


The One Where Silent Bob Sees Some Stuff

by klittycat



Category: Clerks (2000)
Genre: F/M, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-22
Updated: 2016-08-22
Packaged: 2018-08-10 09:34:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7839658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/klittycat/pseuds/klittycat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>randal gets frisky w his new coworker 8)</p>
            </blockquote>





	The One Where Silent Bob Sees Some Stuff

It had been a fairly uneventful day; Wednesdays usually were around here. Not many people had walked through the Quick Stop doors since I and my heterosexual-life mate had arrived that morning. The new chick clerk, Olivia, had opened. She was gorgeous, or as Jay put it “the finest pair of tits on two legs.” She was more than just a really huge rack; her brains were as big as her boobs and that huge chest housed a huge heart. She was always respectful to Jay and I, despite the fact that we’re a pair of deadbeat pot-heads loitering outside her place of business and harassing her. On days she worked, Jay spent all day trying to “get up in them guts.” Little did my friend know his efforts were in vain, because the big-tittied clerk had eyes for another.  
About an hour and thirty-six minutes late, he showed up- the clerk from the video store adjacent to the Quick Stop. I knew that because the lady outside the door had bitched to me and my partner for that entire hour and thirty-six minutes. Instead of opening the business and apologizing, he walked right past us and the door to RST Video and straight into Quick Stop.  
  
_The clock read 12:36 in the afternoon as Randal from the video store next door finally sauntered in. As big of a pain in the ass as he was, I was happy to see him. There was never a dull moment with Randal around. As plain and as crude as he was, I had to admit I’d grown fond of him. It was strange, really. There wasn’t much to him at all, but still my womb did cartwheels when he waltzed in. As a porn star, which I am, I had been with some of the hottest men with the hugest dongs in the business, yet none of them awakened my inner goddess like this vulgar Jersey boy._  
“Well, well, well look what the cat dragged in,” I said, startling him as he wrangled in the door.  
“You’re not Dante,” he said, stopping in his tracks.  
“No shit.”  
“You’re not even supposed to be here today,” he laughed, mocking his friend. “What gives? It’s not like Dante to call out.”  
I explained to him that Dante did not call out, that I picked up his shift. My class was cancelled, and I wouldn’t mind the extra change. Besides, Dante had been working like a dog recently and he deserved a day off… It TOTALLY had nothing to do with the the fact that Randal was also working today. I slid a stack of tapes that his customers had left for him, sexily.  
“Got a present for you,” I said with a smile.  
“You shouldn’t have.”  
He walked right past them, behind the counter where I was, only to grab a dirty magazine off the rack before snatching up the movies and returning to his post. My heart sank a little as he left, if he only knew I was down to do any of those kinky things that he saw in those mags with him and more, he probably wouldn’t need to look at porn ever again. :’(  
  
The woman that had waited all morning had eventually got angry and left, telling us that she would be writing the paper about this, like we had any authority over the matter. Once she left, Jay began to tell me that “that bitch could’ve used a fatty bo batty blunt.” Around that time, the one named Randal walked out again, holding a stack of movies. He paid us no attention as he unlocked the store and stepped inside, usually he threatened to call the cops. He must’ve been in a good mood today, but I didn’t think much of it. It had gotten boring outside. I grabbed my boom box and decided to play something to pass the time, to keep Jay entertained for a while. He moshed and harassed pedestrians to the music. After an hour or so of that, Randal walked out of the door, locking it up again before walking over into the convenience store.  
  
_“Ya ever see something and get reminded of something that is no way related?” Randal started as soon as he walked in the door._  
_“Hm?”_  
_He joined me behind the counter as he continued._  
_“You know. Like you walk past a garbage can and that somehow reminds you that you forgot to feed your dog this morning.”_  
_“If you’re asking to borrow my car to go feed your dog, you better pick me up something to eat too.”_  
_“I don’t even have a dog, that was just a hypothetical situation,” Randal said. “Anyway, Olivia, I’ve been thinking-”_  
_“That’s dangerous,” I teased._  
_“Don’t I know you from somewhere?”_  
_“Well, we work together,” I said, nudging him with my elbow._  
_“Funny. No I mean… like… I think we’ve met before or something. You seem so familiar; it’s been bugging me for a while. Dante has no clue either, says it’s probably just déjà vu or something,” Randal went on._  
_“You know I’m not from around here, Randal,” I told him. “What? You see something that remind you of me?”_  
_“Oh, I’d tell you but I don’t want to insult you or give you the wrong idea or anything.”_  
_A knowing smirk spread across my face as I nodded._  
_“You know, Randal. Sometimes the trash can remind us of the dog food because that’s where his bowl usually sits, or hell even the fact that the dog eats out of the trash. All I’m saying is that things that may seem unrelated to us are probably linked together deep within our subconscious. If you think about it, it may not be as strange as it seems.”_  
_He just stared at me intently. No witty retort, no more to add to the conversation. I could tell he was confused, racking his brain trying to figure out who I was, or why whatever porno he was looking at reminded him of me._  
_“If you’re that determined, Randal, I could try to jog your memory.”_  
_“I thought you said you didn’t know me.”_  
_“I didn’t… but I’m fairly certain you know me.”_  
_I sat my glasses down on the counter, then without warning pulled up my t-shirt, flashing my huge creamy white double-d cups to him. My pert nipples were like diamonds from exposure to the cool Quick Stop atmosphere. His jaw dropped, gum almost falling out of his gaping mouth. Then, his eyes widened, as if he suddenly recognized me._  
_“Ho-ly shit,” Randal whispered. “Olivia… Liv… how could I be so dense?”_  
_“These ring a bell?” I giggled, jiggling my jugs for him._  
_“I recognize those tits anywhere! You’re Liv N Dead! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on,” he said, never once taking his eyes off my perfect pair. He was correct, I made my living starring in horror-themed erotic films. “Also, usually you’re like, covered in blood and guts… and cum. Loads of cum. Your films are new-age Halloween classics. Bloodsucking Bimbos, Semen Demon, Putting the Succ in Succubus! I’ve told Dante you’re like the Cassandra Peterson of our generation.”_  
_“I wouldn’t go that far now,” I blushed, pulling my shirt back down over my banging bazoingas. “Elvira is a goddess.”_  
_“Well you certainly got her beat in the tit category. Shit, Dante’s never gonna believe this,” Randal said, leaning back on the counter. I could totally see his hard-on straining the fabric of those fugly acid washed jeans, and I wanted it. I leaned in close to him._  
_“Want to give him more not to believe?” I whispered in his ear whilst rubbing his erection._  
_“You’re totally coming on to me,” he said, trying to maintain his usual Randal composure, but I could tell I was doing a number on him._  
_“You think?” I said before smothering his lips with my own plump ones. He was taken aback by my boldness, but soon he eased in to the kiss. Soon, tongues were being slipped and spit was being swapped. I even ended up with his flavorless, hard, long-chewed gum._  
_“Let’s take this out back,” I breathed as I broke the kiss, going to walk towards the back of the store._  
_“No,” he grabbed my wrist. “What’s wrong with right here?”_  
_“What about the customers?” I innocently mused._  
_“Oh, fuck the customers!” he said, picking me up and sitting me on the counter. “They’re a bunch of assholes anyway.”_  
_“Want this back?” I asked, taking his stale gum out of my mouth._  
_“Hold onto it for me,” he said with a devious smile. “I got something else to occupy my oral fixation.”_  
  
“Man, I got the mad fucking munchies!” I heard Jay exclaim. “Make ya fatass useful and go in and get us some fucking snackage.”  
I looked over at him, he was standing closer to the store.  
“Well what the fuck are you waitin’ on?” he said as he smacked my chest. “Go snatch us up some Pringles. Some a them little donuts too!”  
I shrugged and walked past him towards the Quick Stop. Before I even opened the door, I stopped. I heard muffled noises coming from inside. I looked inside the window to make sure everything was okay.  
I was speechless.  
Wait, I can practically hear Jay saying “you’re always speechless, you tubby bitch. Nooch.”  
I mean was even MORE speechless than usual, paralyzed by what I was witnessing. I rubbed my eyes, making certain I was seeing this right. Sure enough, I was.  
Right there on the counter, the counter I fucking touch every time I go in to buy cigarettes, the two clerks were going it. The lovely Miss Olivia was sitting atop the counter with fists full of Randal’s hair, his cap discarded on the floor, as he went to town chowing down on her no-no parts. Those sweater stretchers of hers were even more impressive bare, possibly the most perfect I’ve ever laid eyes on. The size, the complexion, hell, even how the beautiful, nipples decorated the tip. They were gorgeous and a great color and definitely not puffy because what the fuck does that mean? I marveled at the way those holy grails wobbled with every slight movement. I looked over at Jay, he had to see this. He would appreciate this more than a can of chips. I waved him over.  
“What’s wrong, Can’t open a fuckin’ door?” Jay insulted as he walked over. I put my finger up to my lips to tell him to be quiet, and pointed inside at the window.  
“The fuck’s going on in the- Gaddamn, would you look at those double whoppers,” he said, pressing his face right up against the window. “Ewwww she’s fuckin’ that ugly chode? Shit, probably got all horned up and shit seeing me dance a few minutes ago and jumped on the first dude to walk in the store, hoping it was me. Can’t blame her- damn she got a fat ass too. I should go in there and save her fine ass. Then we can take her back to our place, smoke some bowls, drink some beers, and eat some pussy.”  
I shook my head no at him. It’d be best to let the finish.  
“You’re one nasty son of a bitch, Silent Bob. You know that? But you cute as hell. Snoogans. Gotta give it to the clerk though. Lucky as hell to tap a fine ass piece of ass like that. Look at him go. Shit, I always thought he and that other one was fucking. Damn, he got her looking like a toaster strudel in there. Bet his boyfriend’s gonna be mad as hell having to clean off the counter behind him. Shit, Lunchbox, maybe if you ask nicely she’ll go down on you after this. Mine too. I gotta mad fuckin’ boner right now.”  
Jay continued to go off on some tangent while I continued to watch as things got more intense inside.  
“What the fuck,” I said, leaning in closer and breaking my silence. I’ve heard about some fucked up shit happening at this store, like some chick fucking a dead dude in the bathroom, but I never expected this.  
“Shit, what’d I miss?” Jay asked, putting his face to the glass.  
“He… just went ass to mouth.” I can’t believe I had to say that.  
“Ass to mouth? You never go ass to mouth.”  
I shrugged. Everything happened so fast, he went from pussy to ass to mouth before I even realized it.  
“Shit. Homeboy watches too much porn in there, bet that’s where he came up with that shit. Fucks you up man. Makes it where plain pussy ain’t enough for you. Good thing I’m rollin’ in pussy, don’t need that shit.”  
I rolled my eyes and decided I had seen enough for one day, walking back to my part of the wall.  
“Shit, they’re not paying attention, I’m gonna get my fuckin Pringles. Maybe even get my dick sucked too,” Jay said and walked right inside. I lit up a cigarette as I shook my head. Bunch of savages in this town. 


End file.
